Tuesday, April 01, 2003
Day Two: Down but Not Out
Today the gloves came off. I opened with a blistering barrage of Avent materiel. Sawyer countered with a left hook, a feint, three farts and a shonkey dollop of spittle. I returned to base camp, called Rumsfeld and was advised to go into Stealth Mode. In this, we followed the manual kindly sent us via Michael's Saucisse:
Latest advice from La Belle Saucisse:
She suggests Wendy should feed SJ with a receiving blanket or dry face cloth
against her skin. Doesn't matter if some milk accidentally spills onto the
blanket. The idea is - you're later going to lay the same blanket over the
top of the bottle as you're feeding Sawyer, so he gets the comforting scent
I followed the manual, chapter and verse. I also deployed a blanket that I put over his head, as Wendy often does in public places. So there I was, cloaked in scent of Mum, SJ on my lap, his head under the blanket, where all he could see was the blanket, the bottle, and my head peeking in. Scent of Mum KICKED ARSE - he went into full boob mode, rooting around madly looking for the Real Thing. I launched the Avent ''teat''; he took it, and began sucking...for about 20 seconds, then...fell sound asleep. What I forgot is, he does this all the time with Wendy - acts hungry, but the moment he gets on the boob, it's like he's mainlining H - out he goes. This is called, quaintly enough, Placid Baby Syndrome. It tends to lengthen the feeding process tremendously.
Later I unleashed a second barrage of uncloaked Avent. A poop blast registering on seismic equipment in Argentina was all Sawyer's retort. Three battalions are MIA. More when the smoke clears...
[edited for accuracy]